Friday, December 3, 2010

Day 3

Friday December 3rd

Okay, so this happened:
Those are a bunch of okay-ish tasting gummy candies on top of the cookies. It started last night. I went to get candy to decorate our gingerbread house. Tall man asked me to get chocolate cookies for him. Hearing the word cookie is already a huge trigger amongst compulsive eaters, I'm pretty sure. I already knew it was too late.
So I decided to buy chocolate truffles also. I ate maybe...10. And a cookie. They were okay.
Then I left school this morning after my group presentation. I listened to one other group  present their innovation project and found it such a waste of time, that I said I had to go to work. Which was true. Kind of. Working>listening to boring presentations.
Started working at 11:00. Kind of anxious. Graveyard shift tonight. Already had another 8 (?) chocolate truffles, 2 cookies, a portion of lasagne and a cup of tea before I started to work. Plus breakfast a few hours earlier when I got to school. It's a lot of food.
I told myself that I won't eat anymore and I'll try to sleep so that I'm ready for my nightshift. But, the computer alarm rang often, so I wasn't able to sleep.
Isaac got back from school at 1:20.
Ooh. There's lots of things I'm anxious about. Here's my list:
  1. The group work that we just did sucked so bad. I hated the whole experience. It was a mandatory social service project, lacked structure, purpose and value. It was time consuming and the project manager was a total butthead. And being the only native English speaker means that I always have to do SO MUCH for group work.
  2. Things are changing. I'm not so good with change. Soon my practice will be over. Then I have another one. It's far away. I'll need to drive 2 hours a day, plus work 8 hours a day unpaid, attend a few night classes, work for our own business and keep up my household duties. It feels like too much. But I'm already about a semester behind my class because of the failed exams I need to retake. Stupid math.
  3. I haven't been to the gym today. Or yesterday. I need to go 7 days a week or those eating patterns happen at 10am. I just feel bad and my anxieties take over.
  4. I have to do a lot of final project work with my partner who seems a bit helpless. And it's been pretty messy making contact with our research group. I should hand in at least 10 pages of well written material in a week and I have nothing.
Okay. There's good things of course, too.
  1. Boy and I made this:

          2.       Man is really good. He asks how I am and when I say anxious he is very understanding and   supporting.
          3.       I really want to work with mentally handicapped children. I'm lucky to have the opportunity.
          4.       My anxiety can probably be less sweaty and jittery without sugar and caffeine.
          5.       Aside from more time and better self control I have everything. It's no wonder people be jealous:)
          6.       My current workplaces are the best.

Okay. So I have a bit of a new plan. I don't really have as much time as I want to get to the gym every day over the next 2 weeks. So I'm going to accept it and just do as much as I can. I have to walk to the dog. And I pay 70 euros a month for my gym membership, so I'll make sure I go at least twice a week until I get back into it.
I'm quitting the triggers cold turkey. Sugar and caffeine withdrawl should start soon. But maybe the ringing in my ears will go away. And some of the anxiety symptoms. And some inner thigh chunk.

This was my next meal at 4pm:

I'm planning to take a protein shake to work.
I wonder how George is doing...


  1. Hey Katie - I have been caffeine free for a few years now. The first two weeks were the hardest with the headaches from withdrawal. Now if I have any caffeine I am super hyper and it is scary. I have been adding hemp seeds to my food for for the past month. I have 3 heaping tablespoons at breakfast with yogurt and berries. It helps with my 2 o'clock energy slump and keeps my cravings in control. There are some days, though, that I just can't fight them. Today I needed peanut butter and jam on croissants.

  2. This blog stuff drives me a little crazy. I'm useed to notes chizelled in stone tablets. I have set goals: 2 lbs a week (about a kilo for those of Euroean persuasion) for sixteen weeks. 4 km/day, 4 days a week by the end of week 16. Also, I want to be the emperor of Huntsville and Novar. Diet today toast and peanut butter, two clementines, salad, plastic cheese and saltless crackers. mostly boring. No irresistable urges to eat a greased pig yet. Not much in the way od alcoholic consumption, either.

    No word from publisher/agent bukowski yet. Probably within two weeks. meantime, two new books on the go, including a sequel.


  3. Lorraine here
    There will be fish for dinner tonight (pickeral).
    George went to the grocery store today and found the platic cheese and diet pretzels. I really wonder if they are food.
    Pears and clementines have returned to his diet.